Cole talks about dodging a suite and tie, not wanting to be a deceiving lawyer. And to be fair, I see what he means. He wants to go beyond the typical “successful” career and life and chase his dreams. But what about those of us who don’t know what our dreams are? Those that don’t know what to aim for but want to do something big, impactful, and be “successful”. Those of us who, like him, come from nothing, come from the bottom.
My mom dropped out of elementary school to help raise her siblings and my father dropped out of high school to go directly into the workforce. Being a lawyer would be huge for me and my family. A great accomplishment that would set a new precedent. I would make my family beyond proud; I would be the first lawyer in the family. I could make enough money to help my struggling mom and dad, maybe enough to buy them a house.
Still, I understand his sentiment. Lawyers have a reputation for being trifling and devious. A lot of the times crooked and cunning. In the past, lawyers were typically from the upper class and have almost always worked with and for the upper class. They are the traditional symbol of success. Cole is far from the traditional symbol of success. He is an anomaly, always staying true to himself, regardless of what is said of him. He writes music with substance that comes from his soul, not cheap and catchy music that plays in the club and has low replay value. He has been making rap music since he was 15. He knew from a young age that his dream and life mission was to be a musician, a rapper.
And I am not saying he had it easy by any means. He had to work relentlessly, failure after failure, doubt after doubt. He did have a clear vision though. He knew exactly what he was aiming for, where he was shooting. He worked on his craft, he dedicated his time, his energy. He knew the difficulty, the impossibility of what he was aiming for. But he knew in his soul that it’s what he wanted, so he strove, and worked, and struggled, and was rejected, and faced failure, and faced adversity, but he kept going, going toward his goal.
What do I do? I want to go beyond the traditional symbol of success too. I genuinely want to make an impact, want to live a purposeful life. As a kid I wanted to be an actor, as a teen I wanted to be a businessman, an entrepreneur, than in college I wanted to do computer science, and now a lawyer. Truthfully, I am just as lost as I’ve always been. One part of me can see myself as an immigration lawyer, helping people find a better life, and making a decent living. Another part of me is repulsed at the thought of being a lawyer that is miserable, living a life that I despise. This part of me wants to aim for something higher, something more impactful with a greater reach. Both sides want to write a book at some point. Could this be what I really want to aim for?
I’ve thought about this a lot, obviously. And maybe I want to be a writer, a published author with a big reach. Maybe that is how I can make a large impact, widespread. But I love music, I love the impact that it has had on me, the places it takes me, the way it reaches places in my soul, the way it has been a guide, an answer to many of my problems. I want to do the same, I want to impact people through music. So maybe I can write music? I am no J. Cole, and not even someone who can see myself as a pop star, a famous musician. Besides, I can’t just decide that I want to me a musician. It takes a lifetime of practice, of knowledge and passion. But could I be someone who writes the songs behind the scenes? I guess I’m not sure yet. But as the answer unravels, I think that one part of it is becoming clear—I want to write stuff. I love writing, I don’t know if I’m any good. But writing feels so liberating, writing my thoughts on paper, or on a screen. At times, writing in my journal has been the only thing saving me from dark times, from seemingly helpless situations.
I don’t know what to do. I will do something regardless. But an immigration lawyer from Harvard sounds so good. And, not only that, it also sounds like someone who can make a difference, who can have an impact. Will I dodge a suite and tie, or will I use the suite and tie to reach places beyond the suite and tie? Philip from my internship told me something that I think I’ve known for a while. He said, “sometimes you have to hold hands with the devil to get to heaven.”